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It is hard to believe it's been two years since we lost Alisa.  Every May sunrise and flower seems to scream her name to me.  I miss her more than I can express. Last year, about this time, my sister, Anne, was hard at work going through Alisa's things to help Josh get his house ready to sell.  She found a rough note Alisa had started for Steven on the day he finished treatment.  I don't know if she meant to do a blog post or write him a letter--we never saw a finished version.  But to have this come in the mail, felt like a message from heaven.   Steven gave me permission to share it with you. Dear Steven, Today you rang the bell. Day of freedom. Today I cry because I am so proud of you.  You have been so strong.  People ask us, "how could you do that?!  I don't know if I could have done that!"  You are amazing and yes we are.  But....what we know, they don't.  They are amazing, everyone has the spirit of survivor in them and ...

I've been looking forward to such a blog title for a long time and here we are.  Yay!  I am happy that this was our outcome, grateful for all the years we've had with Steven and for the many more to come, and humbled when I think of other cancer friends who weren't so lucky. Yesterday we had the appointments.  Steven didn't have a scan as normal, they just took an x-ray of his chest.  They do this because they are less worried about recurrence at this point and it reduces the amount of radiation he is exposed to.  So I don't know if I can officially call these scans, but his blood work was totally normal and his lungs were clear.  We have every reason to hope for Steven to live a long life, cancer free. We will continue these check-ups annually until he is 19 or 20, which will be 10 years out from treatment.  Hopefully we will feel as peaceful about those future check ups as we did yesterday.  It was a good day. And because I don't post so often, ...

The other day I was thinking about my girls and how excited they are for Christmas.  A flood of emotion swept over me as I considered the joyful holidays (and the hard ones) that Alisa and I shared together.  Sometimes I watch my girls together and I am transported to my childhood and to my relationship with my little sister. We were little girls and it was the era of the Cabbage Patch dolls.  Every little girl wanted one--and no one more than Alisa and I.  But stores were sold out and so all the hoping guaranteed nothing.   We had no hope of Santa bringing them because Dad had been quite frank with us about how the Santa thing worked. One day, a few weeks before Christmas, we made a hopeful discovery.   In the closet, under the stairs, we found two Cabbage Patch-shaped boxes wrapped in one layer of white tissue paper.  We could make out the words on the box.  We were ecstatic.   I don't know if we managed to hide the joy we had, knowing ther...

My sisters helped me take some pictures last night and I mentioned I wanted to post some pictures showing Steven taller than me, so here we go.  I forget because I see him everyday how much he is growing, but then we'll see an old friend who is blown away by how much he's grown in the past few years. After losing my sister and father-in-law, I've been keenly aware of how important it is to take pictures.  And then I learned another hard lesson--you need to back them up.  A month or so ago, our hard drive crashed and most of our pictures and videos were lost.  I mainly have anything I've ever put on a blog or printed off.  We still have some hope to recover them, but there is no guarantee it will happen.  So BACK UP YOUR PICTURES!  Just a little reminder. Summer is going well here--nothing major to report.  My kids are growing up fast and every day flies by.  I continue to work on enjoying the moment.  

I've started 20 blog posts in the past few months.  I've got a backlog of them: from Steven's new leg, to soccer videos, to wedding pictures and thoughts on that, to a picture of Steven taller than me, and even some thoughts on being five years out from Steven's diagnosis and surgery.  I feel like bragging about the many great things Steven is doing, and showing off his successes from my little blog.  I've had thoughts on my father-in-law's passing and the grief my kids seem destined to know from a young age.  My heart is really so full, I'm sorry I've been so silent.  There is so much good going on in our lives, we truly have so much to be grateful for. But I will post today because it has been a year since Alisa passed away.   So much has happened in that time, it feels so unreal that it has only been a year, and yet it feels like a lifetime for how much I've missed her. I have had so many moments where the only thing that feels right is to call he...

Saturday morning we got a devastating call from Rob's mom:  his dad had passed away in the night.  They were in California, had spent a lovely week at Disneyland with Rob's brother and his family.  He hadn't complained of any health problems during the trip and had no known health problems so this came as a huge shock to all of us. His passing has brought to my mind a wealth of memories shared with him. He has been such a huge part of holidays, birthdays, vacations, home projects, and really just our life.  He was a humble man with a very big heart.  Steven was named after him and as a little kid, he idolized his grandpa.  I hope that his biggest aspiration is to be as kind and good as his namesake. I have so many pictures of him and my kids.  I keep thinking about Alisa's admonition to take more pictures.  I'm glad I have as many as I do.  I wish I could take more.  Here are a few that tell a little about him as a grandpa. Here is one o...