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Last night, Steven and some of his classmates were in a state level competition called Creative Pursuit. They won for their division and Steven was sooooooo excited. On the drive home, he exclaimed, "I am feeling so exultant!" Then he said, "This is the best day I've had in a long time!" I was curious--just how happy was this day compared to all the other great days he has had lately? I asked him, "When was the last time you had a day this good?" He thought about it for a minute and said, "I guess it was Thanksgiving. Oh wait, maybe it was the Messiah sing-in." Since it hasn't even been a week since Thanksgiving and the sing-in happened on Saturday, I guess it hadn't been so long afterall. If you are around Steven much these days, you will find that he often has red letter days. I don't know if I have just forgotten how he used to be after not feeling well for nine months, or if the cancer experience has changed him. Eit...

That he had a place set for him made me super grateful. And even more so that he was there to enjoy it.

I swear I really have meant to post in detail many of things I am thankful for. My week has been crazy, though. I kind of expected life to slow down once treatment was over, and in many ways it has. But I no longer am forced to take off days at a time, with little to do but read and write. I just put up a post I wrote on Sunday, but have been meaning to edit. Based on how things are going, the editing seems ulikely, so there you have it. I have so many more things to be grateful for, and I wanted to list a few things here. Each one deserves its very own post, but I may never get around to them. So here we go! I am thankful for my life. I love this world and all that I can see and do. I am thankful that Steven has survived this year. I appreciate all of my kids more because I am seeing first hand how precious they are and how precarious life can be. I am thankful for the doctors, nurses, therapists, techs--everyone who has been involved in Steven's care. Everyone has b...

My week got crazy, and I haven't been posting like I planned. Luckily, my gratitude hasn't been as short as my time. For the most part, I have been feeling very grateful, like for the beautiful leaves I get to rake up, and for wonderful friends. I can't deny I have moments like last night when the walls seemed to be closing in on me and I let self-pity in. Ugly. But....in an effort to redeem myself from all that, here are some thoughts. I have been wanting to share a story that happened to us about the same time Steven had his surgery in May. I should have shared it long ago, but I had sort of decided when I started the blog that I wouldn't single out any of the many generous and kind things people had done for us or given us. I didn't want to miss anyone, or trivialize the little things by mentioning only the big ones. Every single thing--even just kind words--have meant the world to us. People do what they can, little or big, and we have appreciated it all...

a sister who planned a Yellowstone trip for Steven to celebrate his chemo completion (and happens to be an amazing photographer), cousins who could come along and turn a cold trip north into an adventure, a sister who skipped classes to come along and help out and make the trip more fun, breathtaking views, kids who put up with their brother's geological obsessions (check out Steven with his book on gyesers), a husband who put up with his wife's car trip clausterphobia, Steven's excitement about each site we visited, my brother and his wife who hosted us as we passed through (and took us to the college observatory), that Laura can sleep anywhere and managed to hit a single blanket when she threw up in the car, Vacations. As hard as they can be for the mom, looking back I don't regret one of them we've taken. Even my little kids, who complained a bit about the smells and the cold and the walking, already talk about how much fun they had on this trip. And as for ...

So at night as I lie down next to my girls while they fall asleep, I ponder on all that has happened this year, trying to make sense of it. When I have a lucid thought, I think about how I'd like to share it on the blog. Sometimes I fall asleep in the middle of my these thoughts, and the best I can do is to get up, brush my teeth and crawl into bed. But I keep promising myself that I will write some of them down, despite my exhaustion at the end of the day. I have so much I'd like to say, but taking the time to say it just right takes so much energy. And that is something I am short on lately. But I will try. With Thanksgiving coming up, and us coming out of crisis mode, many of my thoughts are turned to gratitude. If I can, I'd like to write more frequent posts in the next weeks about some of the things for which I am grateful. Let's start out with cancer. No, I am not yet at the point where I am grateful for cancer. I have heard other people say this, but I...

Today it is one month since Steven left the hospital for his last chemo. I can't believe it! I feel like we've lived another lifetime since that happened. Life has come at us very fast this month! I've been wanting to track his hair growth. Here is a picture taken the day he left the hospital a month ago. His hair was growing back a little by then, because methotrexate doesn't necesarily cause hair loss. But still, he is looking like a whole different kid now with some eyebrows and eyelashes! Every day, I look at him and do a double take--I seem to have forgotten what he looks like with hair. I love it!

We had the first snow accumulation of the season and my kids were in heaven. Steven and Andrew spent the morning bulding a fort and then Steven got to go sledding with some friends in the afternoon. He wants to go again at his first opportunity. I will post a few pictures when I get a chance. His snowpants didn't fit super well over his prosthetic, so his leg was exposed. He said, "Well, that is one good thing about being an amputee--at least my leg won't get cold." Back to the subject at hand. I've been meaning to post some numbers that I figured out while I was sitting in the waiting room the other day. Some of these are estimates, but it should describe our cancer experience well for you numbers lovers: The time between diagnosis and port removal was about 8 1/2 months . During that time, Steven had 20 inpatient hospitalizations. 18 of those were for chemo, 1 was for a fever, and 1 was after his rotationplasty surgery. He spent 76 days and 56 nights in ...

I've been so excited for this day--it signifies the end of a difficult 8 1/2 months. Last night I got pretty worried. You see, Addie threw up--many times. I went to bed wondering if Steven would wake up sick and we'd have to postpone the surgery. But it all worked out--he's done and we are home. Sitting in that waiting room was very emotional for me. I couldn't help but think back on all we've been through and some of our thoughts and worries as we sat there during the first two surgeries. During the first, we were waiting for biopsy results which came back to confirm the cancer. And of course, the second, we sat for so long worrying about so many things, most of which never happened. (On the other hand, things have happened that I didn't know to worry about!) Today's feeling was one of gratitude and relief to be done. Steven was happy about it too. He wasn't one bit nervous and woke up from surgery smiling. From the minute he woke up, he wanted to go ho...