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I'm about to go to bed on Christmas night and I'm feeling good that got through the day and my kids are no worse for wear. I have had a very reflective month and have enjoyed the music of the season. But shopping and baking and all those other motherly Christmas responsibilities have had no draw. Christmas is magical, but I was afraid that without me working my mommy magic, my kids would be disappointed. I'm happy to report that Christmas came all the same around here and thanks to many people like grandmas and Rob and neighbors and doorbell ditchers and friends and aunties, the magic was here. My big plans for the Christmas surprise I mentioned in my last post didn't work out. I wanted to give my kids a puppy. They had to settle with a stuffed animal and a coupon instead. You should have seen how excited they were about that! I can only imagine how a real life Christmas morning dog would have animated them! The search continues, but I sure wish I had that ...

Today Steven had his one year exam/scans/labs/Dr. appointments, and everything looked great. Both Dr. Jones (his orthopedic surgeon) and Dr. Wright (his oncologist) thought he looked amazing. Dr. Jones was super impressed with Steven's Xrays--his leg has healed beautifully from the break last year about this time. We saw Dr. Jones before we went to the oncology clinic and he told us that Steven's chest CT was clear. That was a huge relief and we knew that by about 11am, so we were able to relax and go to lunch before Steven's clinic appointment. Steven was just thrilled and became his usual happy and enthusiastic self. After his appointment with Dr. Jones, he went into the waiting room and announced his good news to the friends we had made while waiting. I really can't express just how grateful I am. I've been going over in my mind how I would be able to handle bad news right now and I couldn't quite envision a good scenario. Thankfully that was a fruit...

I have been feeling like I should post something, but I can't believe how hard that is for me to do right now. It seems like doing much of anything is hard these days, let alone spilling my guts to the public on my blog. While lenghty, this is still a very vague report of some of the things I've been feeling lately: I have certainly been feeling depressed--or is it just the grief? I don't know if there is a difference, but everything I do is slow and difficult. The other day I told Laura she had to wait until I took a shower to watch a TV show. After I got the kids off to school, I crawled back into bed. Laura kept pestering me to get up and take a shower (so she could watch her show) and so finally I did. I thank Heavenly Father every day for these kids I have--I love them so much and also, without them I might be a permanent fixture in bed! I've been feeling very loved. So many people have done so much for us. I have a stack of thank you cards by my bed a...