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Showing posts from August, 2015

Don't be mad

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I'm feeling completely overwhelmed tonight.   I was lump-like on the couch looking at the mess surrounding me and I felt like I needed to escape to stay sane.   I headed to the cemetery and  walked around in the twilight,  feeling like a miserable failure.  I was angry at myself that I couldn't muster more energy, I heard Alisa's voice tell me, "Don't be mad at yourself, Sonja."  It struck me again what a gift her last words to me were.  I don't think I've written down yet the story of her last words to me.  I say "last words" a little loosely, as we had a conversation about many things on that last day she was conscious.  She asked me to write her obituary and to help Josh pick a headstone.  She told me that she wanted a plain headstone with nothing on it "Not even my name."  She was not entirely herself that day and some of the things she said she weren't quite right. Her friend, Jennie, had texted me and told me that I should...

A trip to Lava Hot Springs

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Several years back, Alisa had this fun idea to have an "originals" day trip to Lava Hot Springs.  So my siblings and parents (without spouses or kids) all met in Idaho.  It was so much fun.  I have so many siblings and we are spread out enough that our parents used to take us on separate vacations.  We think that this was the first and only vacation that was with all of us and only us.   It was such a fun memory.  Alisa and I often talked about doing it again with our kids some summer day.  But it seemed like there was always something else (like cancer treatments) holding us back.   One day in July I suddenly had the thought that we should make that trip happen for Alisa and her boys.  I almost felt like she had whispered the idea in my ear.  So I set a date and made plans.  And we did it!  It was a rainy day, but the hot springs make all the water warmer so it was really fun and not crowded at all.  We all pushed past so...