Don't be mad

I'm feeling completely overwhelmed tonight. I was lump-like on the couch looking at the mess surrounding me and I felt like I needed to escape to stay sane. I headed to the cemetery and walked around in the twilight, feeling like a miserable failure. I was angry at myself that I couldn't muster more energy, I heard Alisa's voice tell me, "Don't be mad at yourself, Sonja." It struck me again what a gift her last words to me were. I don't think I've written down yet the story of her last words to me. I say "last words" a little loosely, as we had a conversation about many things on that last day she was conscious. She asked me to write her obituary and to help Josh pick a headstone. She told me that she wanted a plain headstone with nothing on it "Not even my name." She was not entirely herself that day and some of the things she said she weren't quite right. Her friend, Jennie, had texted me and told me that I should...