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Good news! Steven's scans were good today. Last night as I was saying goodnight to him, I asked if he was nervous and he said, "Not at all. Mom, they are going to be good. Don't worry." He was right, thank heavens! If attitude has any sway on cancer, then he has this thing beat. (Don't take that wrong--I'm all for chemo, trust me! It reminds me of a deep thought by Jack Handy "Dad thought laughter was the best medicine. Maybe that's why several of us died of tuberculosis.") Slightly dissappointing to us was that he has to go back in December.  Not because they are worried, it's just that he needs all his yearly appointments, like an echocardiogram.   Plus, even though we are only weeks away from his two year anniversary of finishing chemo,  it was November when they did his post chemo scans.   And he forgort to drink anything this morning which threw off one of his tests.   So I guess we'll be doing this again sooner than I had...

Summer has come and gone and it was lovely.   The kids are just at the perfect age to be excited about all my adventurous plans.  And they were perfectly happy to hang around at home when I wanted to do that instead.   I was kind of sad to send them off to school this year.   I cried for hours the morning I sent Laura to kindergarten.  It's kind of lonely here in the mornings.  But I have plenty to keep me busy for now.  I'm not sure what it is happening to me.  I used to be on top of my life but as the last few years have presented some serious challenges, I feel like things are starting to break down big time. But today might be the worst day of all to assess my mental health.   Tomorrow Steven has scans.  I am hoping that everything is great, but he has had a cough and lately every single time he coughs, I feel like I did that first time they told me he had cancer.  That fear only lasts for an instan...

Summer has been a whirlwind of activity around here--I don't get to laze around much, but when I do it turns out that I don't blog.  I can't believe that summer is almost over for us.  We have a few precious weeks left and we will use one of them for a camping trip.   We have almost accomplished all the things on the summer bucket list but the one thing we haven't done enough of is nothing at all.   We just haven't had time to be bored.  I did something I never thought I would--I sent the boys to a week long summer camp.  It's called Camp Hobe and it is for cancer kids and their siblings.   I just felt really good about sending them and it turned out well--they had an absolute blast.  Steven even wrote me a letter from camp....something along the lines of "you were right about the pranking, Mom.   We are in prank war with cabin 10.  The food is awesome."   Steven was the only amputee there but his ...

Steven's scans yesterday came back all clear.  Hooray!   It has been a rather stressful week for me.  I had worked myself into some serious worry and while I could also find peace at times, I was so crazy that every little thing would send me over the edge again.  For instance, Steven hurt his good ankle one day--I got scared it was cancer.  He was limping around all week and if you've followed our story, you know that we found the cancer because he was limping.   He started limping with his hurt ankle, but then once that was better, he was limping because he had developed a blister with his prosthetic.  And then a few times in the week, I heard him give a minor little cough.   And so it went that by the time Friday came around,  I was a mess. I tried all sorts of things to get over my craziness.  I tried to be extremely busy (but not at my own house).  That helped a little.  I quoted myself statistics and tried to stay positiv...

On Saturday, I made my 5K debut along with my sister, Anne, sister-in-law, Amy, my mom and Steven.  This race is called "Running with Angels" and honors lost babies and supports families who will someday face this trial.   It was such a great event--I really was just touched by all the love for the little ones who have made such a big impression on our lives.   We took one picture (the bottom one) before the race, when everything was dry, but almost as soon as we started the run, the rain came pouring down.  We were thoroughly drenched by the end.   My mom walked with Steven and I kept thinking how sorry I felt for him--that he was cold and wet and couldn't run fast.   But he came cheerfully to the finish line (top left) and said as we were driving away,  "It is a good thing I have a prosthetic leg because I only have one leg that is cold!"   Ever the optimist! It was fun to remember my angel baby, Daniel, but I couldn't help but feel that my dear...

On Friday, it was six months since we lost our baby, Daniel.  I long for words to express how I feel and what I've learned and how far I have to go, but I don't have them.  I haven't shared pictures of Daniel on this blog; I've kept them on my private blogs.  None of the pictures we have capture him how I remember him or how I want to remember him,  but today I just felt like sharing an image or two of my angel baby.  Grief is an interesting thing....I don't know that I really understand it.  It was so all-consuming at first and really, it sort of still is.  In a different way, though.  At first the tears would not stop.  As the months have passed, I've had to leave the comfort of my home and go out into real life and take care of my other kids.  I have had to explain to people who saw me pregnant but didn't know the circumstances where my baby is.   I see babies all the time--mostly they make me s...

? ? Steven had his moment in the spotlight today--maybe more than he wanted!  He won an essay contest that he entered along with his class and was one of four first place winners in the United States.  He won a laptop and a visit from Sharon Robinson, the daughter of Jackie Robinson.  His teacher also won a laptop and autographed copies of one of her books.   If you get a chance to watch the news, he will likely be featured tonight.  We were a little stunned by the cameras in our faces and attention, so if we sound a little dense, don't judge!   Sharon was just an amazing woman and it was such an honor to meet her and have her share a little bit of history with us.  Her father was an amazing man and she has carried on his legacy so well.  The essay contest was to share how you had overcome a barrier using some of the values that Jackie Robinson lived by.  Steven wrote about cancer (big surprise!) and told about how he needed courage...